Page 7 - Mecklenburg_Medicine_May-2017

Feature
A Mother’s Story:
Caring for My Transgender Child
By Connie Norris, Parent of a 7-Year-Old Transgender Child
Y ou were one of the first people who met my beautiful
addition to the universe. You examined my hours-old
precious bundle, and I felt safe with him in your expert
hands. When my tiny son suffered from reflux, you helped
us administer medication to help him. As he stumbled and babbled into
his toddler years, together we excitedly marked his growth and navigated
all the germs he encountered in preschool. As a mother, I considered you
my savviest advisor.
As we embarked on elementary school, you reassured me he was ready
to be a healthy, successful student. You were absolutely right.
Then I came to you
My joyful, to speak candidly about
easygoing child something I found
was struggling perplexing. My son
wanted to wear dresses.
More important, my
with something joyful, easygoing child
he couldn’t was struggling with
articulate. something he couldn’t
articulate. Something
heavy was weighing on
his heart, but when he put
on those dresses, I saw
the light return to his face.
He was happy again. It’s a
phase, you said. And for the first time in six years, I didn’t believe you.
Discovering my son wants to wear dresses was not an easy truth to
come to terms with, but with a healthy dose of perspective, I quickly made
my peace with the situation. I had friends whose children were battling
leukemia and brain cancer. Those parents spent their days scheduling
procedures and fighting to save their babies’ lives. I realized that if a
healthy, gender-expansive child was our challenge, I was a lucky mama,
indeed. Still, I remember the first time I cried over my transgender child.
My tears were not spilled over a child I felt I had lost, or for hardships
my child might need to overcome, or the bullying my child likely would
endure. I didn’t cry for the people who would hate my child simply for
being born the way she is. My first tears of frustration were over the lack
of medical resources available to my child. I was in alien territory. How
could this be? We had never found ourselves empty-handed when it came
to medical access for our children.
I reached out to you, an excellent physician and family friend, when
I started to see alarming changes in our happy-go-lucky, sweet boy. He
seemed uncharacteristically depressed, with unfocused crying bouts and
fits of rage. When he finally opened up to me, my child vocalized both
his feelings of being happier expressing as the opposite gender, and an
awareness of the social stigma attached to these feelings.
You were surprised to hear this, and perhaps, a little skeptical. My
early attempts to discuss my child’s unique behavior were met with
assurances that it was “typical kid behavior” and that worrying about
gender issues for a 5-year-old was unnecessary. I countered with,
while I understood “normal” gender exploration, I was certain this
was different.
You admitted you did not have any other patients dealing with gender
identity, and you knew little about gender dysphoria or being transgender.
I encouraged you to discuss it with your peers, and I hoped other more
senior pediatricians could provide some guidance on where to find more
information, or which professional to consult.
The general response I received was, “I don’t know much about
that, other than that it is more accepted than it used to be.” The practice
referred us to a psychological group that didn’t accept pediatric patients,
and my child’s age prevented us from finding appropriate resources. I was
met with closed doors, again and again.
I was angry, frustrated, and I felt very alone. I cried.
As trusted family advisors of our families, Charlotte’s healthcare
providers have a unique opportunity to help our community’s transgender
youth achieve healthy and productive outcomes. However, as society has
begun learning about gender identity, the medical profession has been
slow to adapt. Currently, most medical schools offer only five hours of
training related to transgender health care.
In a 2015 study, Torres, et al, recommended shifting focus toward
developing external resources and creating a holistic, supportive clinical
environment for transgender youth.
To foster these recommendations, PFLAG Charlotte developed an
educational brochure that provides information for parents and caregivers
of children exploring gender identity, and as a preliminary resource for
family physicians that want to learn about what it means to be gender
expansive and/or transgender.
In 2016, to support Charlotte’s pediatric and family medicine
community, PFLAG Charlotte launched the Healthcare Outreach
Campaign — a series of educational presentations that include personal
stories of parents raising transgender and gender-expansive children,
current best practices for the treatment of transgender youth, and guidance
regarding how to be an affirming, supportive family practice.
To support this initiative, MCMS Child Health Committee and PFLAG
Charlotte have partnered in 2017 to offer the Healthcare Outreach
Campaign’s presentations to its pediatric and family medicine practices
throughout Mecklenburg County.
The American Academy of Pediatrics’ president, Bernard Dreyer, says
it best: “The pediatrician’s office, and the entire healthcare setting, should
be a safe, accepting place as well … we [should] pledge as physicians,
especially pediatricians, [that] we will not be our patients’ first bully.”
If you are interested in having PFLAG Charlotte come to your office,
email transparentsofpflagcharlotte@gmail.com or call 704-557-6135.
Thank you!Editor’s Note: PFLAG was formerly known as Parents, Families and
Friends of Lesbians and Gays.
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