Page 5 - Mecklenburg_Medicine_February-2017

President’s Letter

Elegy

By Stephen J. Ezzo, MD

Afew months ago, a friend of more than 30 years We all know people who deal with the terror of mental
decided his time on earth was not worth continuing health issues, be it patients, friends, family or loved ones. We
and ended his life. also are well-versed concerning the roadblocks in caring for
Such news is never easy to receive. I learned of them — from the dearth of qualified providers and facilities to
his death at the end of a particularly stressful week leading into the social stigma associated with it that prevents so many from
seeking care.
a call weekend. I was stunned, confused and mute. I didn’t even
What I think we do not, and never will know, is the depth
have the strength to read the text to my wife. of loneliness and sadness that envelopes these poor souls. Of
the pain that gnaws at the very marrow of their bones, when
Before he moved away from Charlotte a few years back, our desperation has such an unrelenting grip that there seems to be
no way out.
lives were intertwined. I was at his wedding to a woman, who
After my friend moved away from Charlotte, we had less
The demons that haunt I was as close to as contact. He was never very far from my mind though, as I
I was to him, and received frequent updates from his son. The times I did see him,
he appeared to be in a good place. Perhaps it was all a show.
us are never far away. present for the birth
They lurk in shadows, of their child. We Yet, all along there were cracks forming. A falling-out
took our wives away with his job resulted in another relocation and less-consistent
employment. Then a little over a year ago, his ex-wife died
hiding in the cob-webbed on vacations together; unexpectedly and tragically. These events undoubtedly led
attics of our mind, and our interests were him to a darker place, and eventually to a point where no
similar. There were light existed.

come at us with their times when I looked Why didn’t he reach out to me as he had before? More
full fury at the most at his life and felt a important, why didn’t I reach out more to him? I made it
twinge of envy. a point to keep in close contact with his son and ex-wife’s
husband after her death, but not him. Why did I think his
inopportune times. These But at the same grief would be any less since they had divorced? Maybe I
ongoing to-and-fro battles time, I was close just didn’t think.
enough to him to
I let him down as a friend. It may have made no difference,
leave an immeasurable understand his but I never will know.
toll on the brain. frailties. There was a
strong family history I have felt old and vulnerable since hearing the news. I look
at my hands and see the age spots spreading.
that placed him at
Goodbye, my friend. I pray that none of the troubles you
risk for pathology. carried in this life made the journey to the next.

He struggled at “Loneliness is, and always has been, the central and inevitable
experience of every man.”
balancing life and work, as his wife worked long hours, and
— Thomas Wolfe
with the responsibilities of being a new father.
Trivia question:
When he separated from his wife — oddly enough on the eve What was Ehrlich’s Magic Bullet?

of another planned trip — I was caught off-guard. (We all do a Answer on Page 10.

good job of hiding our private lives when necessary.) He moved

in with me until he could find a place of his own. He was the

one who reached out to me. While I offered support and tried to

walk a fine line between him and his ex-wife, I never thought

of asking about living arrangements.

Life settled down, wounds began to heal. His ex-wife

remarried, an event with which he seemed to be comfortable.

He, too, remarried. I found his new wife to be very enjoyable

and felt she would be a grounding presence. He maintained an

open and honest relationship with his son.

But the demons that haunt us are never far away. They lurk

in shadows, hiding in the cob-webbed attics of our mind, and

come at us with their full fury at the most inopportune times.

These ongoing to-and-fro battles leave an unmeasurable toll on

the brain.

Mecklenburg Medicine • February 2017 | 5